5 Christmas Things I’m Not Doing as an Autism Mom
It’s been a season within a season, guys.
With November passing we celebrated two birthdays, started special ed preschool for my 2nd son, endured pediatric dentist appointments, developmental pediatrician appointments, regular pediatrician appointments, on top of our regular weekly speech and occupational therapy sessions, not to mentioned we hosted a mini Thanksgiving gathering at our house.
The burnout is real my friends, yet life keeps on going. Advent and the Christmas season is usually something I look forward to every year but I’m feeling like Ebenezer Scrooge these days. It’s quite sad actually. This really is my favorite time of year.
To maintain the remaining sanity I have left, this girl’s got to set some boundaries. I don’t want to feel like I want Christmas to end before it has even begun. That’s not want my soul wants or needs. As such, I am raising my hand to NOT participate in the usual demands and chaotic checklists of our modern Christmas culture.
Thing #1 – Not Taking Out All My Decorations
The motions of “making Christmas happen” in the house with all the Christmas decor is both physically and mentally exhausting. You have to take everything out of storage, do a quick inventory of what you have, have a plan of action on how you want to decorate, set it up, and then pack it up and put it back in storage when the season is over. Kill me.
This year my sensory seeking children are much taller this year and more sensory seeking so all Christmas décor is fair game to them. If I don’t want it broken, I can’t take it out. If I don’t want it eaten, I don’t take it out. I don’t want to say “no, don’t break that” or “no, don’t move that” or “no, don’t eat that” all season long. So, I am just saying no to most of my décor in general.
What I am doing instead – Focus on making space and making things cozy
This season of Advent is all about anticipating the arrival of our Savior so I am doing just that. I’ve done the bare minimum, friends. I’ve “quieted” my house and I have only left what points towards the Holy Family and things I love most about the “look” and “feel” of the season – coziness, communion, and twinkly lights.
I don’t mind my kids touching what is remaining. In fact, they’ve taken off most of the tree decorations and I left it. I don’t want to fight. I just want to be.
Thing #2 – Not shopping During Advent
For many reasons but most importantly, I want to make more room for reflection and time with the Lord. I don’t want to be distracted with shopping list, or stressed out on who gets what all December. The Christmas frenzy begins so early in stores (I felt it right after Halloween this year) I don’t want to be there. Holly jolly does not exist in retail. Believe me, I have been there many times and on both sides of the register. No more for me.
What I am doing instead – Plan ahead to shop in October/November, online preferably
This is so worth it I can’t even express it. The burden is lifted from the shoulders when that shopping list is done early. While I also don’t prefer to do Christmas gifts for people over the age of 13, it’s a little difficult to escape the cultural-consumer-Christmas sometimes. Did I mention it’s hard to get out of the house because I have autistic kids? So yeah, we will keep that Christmas shopping to online only for now.
Thing #3 – Not watching all my favorite Christmas movies
I’m in a funk, guys, because I really don’t feel like watching all my go-to Christmas movies this year. Maybe it’s because I’m currently sick and just want to go to bed early. Oddly, it feels different this year. I’ll probably watch a couple if I feel up to it. My kids have no interest in new movies so I can’t really share in that tradition with them.
What I am doing instead – Make room for listening
It is very normal that my daily schedule and to-dos are bursting at the seams. The kid’s bed time is like the finish line for my husband and I were we are crawling on hands and feet to submit ourselves to victorious defeat. However, I do feel called to explore this funk by exploring new prayers or find an easy-to-commit-to book to read. Maybe I’ll spend more time on this blog and finding new avenues of creativity. Bottom line, I want to make better use of the small window of free time that I have left in my day to deepen my relationship with God and find new ways to come alive again.
Thing #4 – Not Cooking a Christmas Dinner Feast
Ugh. I’m not down to plan and labor over a meal this year. My kids have a limited palette so my efforts will go un-appreciated. They are quite content with their dino nuggets, buttered pasta, and pot-stickers. Did I mention I really dislike holiday shopping?
What I am *thinking* of doing instead – Buying Our Christmas Meal
My family has this tradition for Christmas and it is quite genius if I say so myself. While we are blessed to live by the ocean and in some past years have been lucky enough to grab some fresh crab from the wharf to have as our meal, we LOVE buying Phil’s Fish Market Cioppino. Our hack – serve it with linguine and garlic bread so it goes further. I think Phil’s is selling it through Goldbelly now. The best thing is that is a freshly made, shipped frozen, so all you have to do is thaw it the day before or day of, and just cook pasta. It is still an upscale, special meal without the intense labor. Highly recommend, friend.
Thing #5 – Not buying our kids presents
Don’t hate me. But I really don’t want to do it this year. They are too young and don’t understand the concept of gifts, opening gifts, or Santa Claus. Nor do they get excited over it. So why force to make it happen? I’d rather save our money. Our kids don’t really need anything, we’ve got every sensory bell and whistle there is and we sporadically buy whatever what we need throughout the year. We don’t need more. If their grandparents want to give them something, okay, but it’s a tradition my kids honestly don’t care about nor beg for. As they get older, we can adapt this but for now they are too small to understand.
What I am doing instead – Stick to baking
Food is a universal love language that goes straight to the heart. My kids are suckers for chocolate and other sweets. I think I will find more joy baking Christmas goodies that they will enjoy eating. That is truly a gift to them and a gift to me too because we can share in it together.
Final Thoughts
You know nothing is forever. What I choose to do this year will most likely change next year. Traditions may tend to be the same years after year, but a mom of special needs kids, I have to roll with the punches. Adaptability is the name of the game in our family. Maybe in the future we can create new traditions as a family. But for now, it’s really important I am attuned to what I can and can’t handle and how I can be most present for my family. You may agree with my choices, you may not and that’s okay. I hope you can grant yourself permission to free yourself from the demands of the holiday season to focus on what’s most important to you. Forget what everyone else is doing. You got this!
